I am going to try this right after I break a glass with my own voice.

schmantz:

jantzie: oooh
jantzie: should I do this in my cubicle
jantzie: umchicka umchicka umchicka umchicka
jantzie: that lady has to be on speed
jantzie: wait a minute
jantzie: is this kristin wiig?
schmantz: I wish it were, I watched the whole thing waiting for the punchline
jantzie: woah
jantzie: did you know that everyone has a little soul in their hips?
jantzie: HOTDOG!

The ultimate in playing with your vegetables.

This really is incredible. I am sure the best man was just thinking, “Don’t pass out, don’t throw up, don’t get so wasted at the reception that I end up only wearing a vest singing Huey Lewis karaoke, etc.” Never in a million years did he think he was going to fall, AND take out the bride and priest, INTO THE POOL. I have seen a lot of staged America’s Funniest Home Video bits and this is not it. NO WAY.

There is nothing you can do on the internet to top this. Unless you post that video of yourself only wearing a vest, curled up in the fetal position in your hotel bathroom, humming Huey Lewis songs, whlie the Bride’s family/photographer/hairdresser pound on your door.

So to you I have this to say, Best Man, you are one smooth dude. You are a fail legend.

Must. Resist. Purchase. Vantiki Mug… Wallet. Opening…. Must. Wait. For. Christmas!

I might have been raised by my tv, but I think was raised right. My favorite shows where science or math shows. I don’t want to talk about why I am now making a living by way of art and not science, but yeah, it was a good ride while it lasted.

5. Newton’s Apple:
I think the reason I love Monty Python is because of this show’s intro. That stop motion hand drawn animation is most excellent. I do realize that Monty Python predates Newton’s Apple, thank you very much pops. But give me a break, I was -11 when Monty Python was first around! Did you ever think that perhaps I am just advanced in areas of science and humor as a 4 year old? Yes, that’s it, gifted and humorous.

4. 3-2-1 Contact:
Just listen to that theme song, “Come on everybody, get funkay, let’s get our science on, let’s make sweet love, because it’s the reason, let’s make contact…” Oh you don’t hear that? Sunnova, just must have been my version.

3. Beakman’s World:
Ah the days of science based learning from Kramer Cosmo based scientists, men dressed in giant rat suits, and Cyndi Lauper look-alikes. Now that I think about it, Beakman’s World is just like my other favorite Out of Control, but swap science with randomness, scientists with Dave Coulier, men dressed in giant rate suits with robots, and Cyndi Lauper look-alikes with Cyndi Lauper look-alikes, and add a lot more “cutting it out.” Oh yeah back to Beakman’s World… it’s cool.

2. Bill Nye the Science Guy:
This guy is amazing. But have you seen his eyebrows lately? He looks like a crazier Rip Torn, if that’s even possible. This is the kind of person you warn kids not to take candy from, much less listen to his science factoids.

1. Mr Wizard:
Mr Wizard was the Jebus of television science shows. If he said, “Children, make sure you always wear googles when you burn copious amounts of styrofoam in the oven as you don’t want to get it in your eye” you better believe you listened. RIP Mr Wizard, I know you are making batteries out of potatoes with the real Jebus right now.

SPECIAL RECOGNITION – Square One TV:
While technically not science, it’s a classic of educational television, so I had to throw it in the mix. I loved the Mathman bits. Even today spotting Joe Howard in small roles on tv and in movies gives me satisfaction akin to finding Waldo.

I enjoy how on the nose Stayin’ Alive is regarding remembering CPR compressions. You can read more about keeping the beat alive here. Or instead you can read my personal list of top 5 songs to do CPR by:

5. Pop! Goes My Heart, PoP! (see video above; it’s really the best part of the movie Music and Lyrics. You can now thank me as you check that one off your to watch list)
4. Young at Heart, Frank Sinatra
3. Hanging Tough, NKOTB
2. Broken Heart, White Lion
1. Barracuda (remixes), Heart

I can’t even tell you how amusing this is to me. It’s an oddly satisfying vision of irony; sort of like if a fire station caught fire while they were making chili. Except that would be sad, because everyone likes a good 5 alarm chili.

*THIS MIGHT BURN YOUR VIRGIN EARS CHILDREN LANGUAGE WARNING*

I don’t know why I even give language warning. If it’s not fun language, what’s the point? Thus, the combination of my many loves, Office Space, Justice League and swears. So many swears.