A long time ago, some pioneers and a dude in a beard decided “this is the place” and pushed their covered wagons on their side to claim the land of Salt Lake City for the Mormon settlers. For all I know it could have been 25 years ago or maybe the 1800s; what I know for sure is that I’m no historian and I’m way too lazy to look it up on wikipedia. Anyway, Salt Lake City and associated LDS folk designate celebrate July 24th as Pioneer Day. I’ll be spending this time getting back to my pioneer roots as many do, by camping. I’ll remember their hardships by sleeping in a tent Buckingham bought off amazon.com and napping in this kick ass hammock I got a Kirkams. Look ma, I’m a pioneer!

And now that you’re up to speed:

b9n: Jim Gaffigan about camping

jantzie: I don’t know about this whole thing
jantzie: I think I might like the idea of camping more than the actual camping part
jantzie: you know, like an eddie bauer commercial
b9n: there aren’t any kids in those commercials
jantzie: that’s because they’ve been eaten by bears
b9n: or mosquitos
jantzie: besides, no rich people have kids
b9n: hehe
jantzie: they know better
b9n: or they had kids, and now they aren’t rich
jantzie: right
jantzie: or they pay someone to feed them while they’re camping
jantzie: sometimes they let the faucet drip
jantzie: but someone has to refill the bowl of m&ms once in a while
jantzie: or the kids will call the police, and rich people don’t like that

So if you don’t see me back online by August 2nd, I’ve been eaten by bears. Or mosquitoes. Or children. Or all of the above. Send your flowers via proflowers.com, won’t you?

Too bad it’s not payday. I do love getting those sacks with the dollar signs on them.

I might just take down this site because, hello, today’s big thing pretty much kicks my ass in the good video department. But I’m also a fan of the ultimate lazyman’s trifecta: redundancy, disinterest and apathy. Thus jantzie.com lives to see another day.

I’m about to schmear myself with deet and roll around in the woods for the weekend, so I’ll leave you with these two awesome nuggets:

and

{source: today’s big thing, duh didn’t you read any of this?}

HAPPY FRIDAY, BEEYATCHES!

I’m going to try this game with my nieces and nephews. Mostly because I know they would never be able to keep their yaps shut and I love me some Slim Jims.

So there I was at work yesterday doing what I do every Tuesday afternoon – watching a celebrity funeral streaming from CNN, natch. When suddenly there was a man singing whom I didn’t immediately recognize, but had a tinge of familiarity. Confusion cleared up today:

LORD EVIL – aka Black Voldemort, has been identified. The man who startled the world when he sang at Michael Jackson’s memorial yesterday is Darryl Phinnessee, a longtime Jackson session musician. Uh, Phinnessee? Really? Is that a name or did a cat write that part of the story? (source = mtv)

God bless wwtdd. Never fails to lend a helping hand or make you wet myself.

{source: wwtdd}

That man can rock a sparkly frock better than my grandma. HOT.