jantzie: we’ve been working together for a while and have become fast friends, wouldn’t you say?
iam1cuteboy: I would say yes
iam1cuteboy: we hit it off quickly
jantzie: yes
jantzie: that’s why I have something important to ask you
jantzie: sethy setherson…
jantzie: will you be my work spouse?
iam1cuteboy: yes yes a thousand times yes
iam1cuteboy: aren’t you supposed to be on one knee for this?
jantzie: I am
jantzie: keyboard on my knee
jantzie: I’m crying, I think i just shorted out the N key
jantzie: you’ve made me the happiest graphic designer here at The Golden Palace
iam1cuteboy: can we exchange vows in the solarium?
jantzie: YES
jantzie: this is really happening
jantzie: also, this is all going on my blog

A long time ago, some pioneers and a dude in a beard decided “this is the place” and pushed their covered wagons on their side to claim the land of Salt Lake City for the Mormon settlers. For all I know it could have been 25 years ago or maybe the 1800s; what I know for sure is that I’m no historian and I’m way too lazy to look it up on wikipedia. Anyway, Salt Lake City and associated LDS folk designate celebrate July 24th as Pioneer Day. I’ll be spending this time getting back to my pioneer roots as many do, by camping. I’ll remember their hardships by sleeping in a tent Buckingham bought off amazon.com and napping in this kick ass hammock I got a Kirkams. Look ma, I’m a pioneer!

And now that you’re up to speed:

b9n: Jim Gaffigan about camping

jantzie: I don’t know about this whole thing
jantzie: I think I might like the idea of camping more than the actual camping part
jantzie: you know, like an eddie bauer commercial
b9n: there aren’t any kids in those commercials
jantzie: that’s because they’ve been eaten by bears
b9n: or mosquitos
jantzie: besides, no rich people have kids
b9n: hehe
jantzie: they know better
b9n: or they had kids, and now they aren’t rich
jantzie: right
jantzie: or they pay someone to feed them while they’re camping
jantzie: sometimes they let the faucet drip
jantzie: but someone has to refill the bowl of m&ms once in a while
jantzie: or the kids will call the police, and rich people don’t like that

So if you don’t see me back online by August 2nd, I’ve been eaten by bears. Or mosquitoes. Or children. Or all of the above. Send your flowers via proflowers.com, won’t you?

{source: unclutterer}

This isn’t your parents’ Spin the Bottle. Back in their day, they actually had to use a gross empty bottle that didn’t spin very well. Borrrring! Electronic Spin the Bottle takes the old party favorite out of the dark ages and into the 21st Century. The see-through blue plastic bottle lights up when you spin it and makes cool sound effects as it whizzes around. When it comes to a rest, the light beaming out of the bottle cap will leave no doubt as to whom it is pointing to. Over 130 commands are programmed into 3 categories: Truth, Dare or Kiss/Forfeit. Tell the truth – which teacher is the most boring? We dare you to dance under the table! Will you kiss the spinner’s nose, or will you forfeit? The bottle is held in place by a stand, so you can really give it a good spin, and let the fun begin! Comes with electronic bottle, stand, instructions and batteries. For ages 9 and up.

iam1cuteboy: I need this
jantzie: “Our Recommended Age: 9 – 99 years, Manufacturer Recommended Age: 9 – 99 years”
jantzie: that’s the best part
iam1cuteboy: does that mean 9 year olds can play it with 99 year olds?
jantzie: yes, yes it does.

jantzie: dolly parton: hot or not hot
don jeem: you mean now?
jantzie: is there a difference?
don jeem: well, she looks more and like anorexic Joker as she closes in on 80
jantzie: Maybe that’s what Kenny Rogers liked in her
don jeem: I’ve fantasized about being Dabny Coleman and getting lassoed by dolly
jantzie: ah
jantzie: roleplay
jantzie: hot
don jeem: yes
jantzie: she’d work you 9 to 5
jantzie: 9am to 5pm , then a light melungeon salad, then work you 9pm – 5am
don jeem: hiyoo
don jeem: should we do the next podcast this way?
jantzie: yes
jantzie: we are doing one right now
jantzie: for the hearing impaired
don jeem: then have someone read the transcript
jantzie: ha yes
jantzie: paid actors
jantzie: I pick Dolly Parton
don jeem: Drew Barrymore for me
jantzie: this is all (online) gold

jantzie: question
buckingham: no time, i am watching dog
buckingham: hehe
buckingham: just kidding
jantzie: 1. do you like music?
buckingham: yes
buckingham: and nachos
jantzie: 2. do you like stop motion animation?
buckingham: yes
buckingham: and football
jantzie: 3. do you like bed time?
buckingham: yes
buckingham: and beer
jantzie: nice simpsons reference
jantzie: fantastic
jantzie: then you are going to love this
jantzie:

jantzie: I saw this on the team forty blog
jantzie: sunny posted it
jantzie: isn’t it great?
buckingham: that was cool
jantzie: yah
jantzie: now I need a nap

mum: My all time favorite is this:
mum: ‘Angie: Mommy, put your hand here.’ (You put my hand on your chest).
mum: ‘Angie: That’s my heart beating because it’s so full of love for you.’
jantzie: hehe
mum: So sweet.
mum: Still makes me get sniffly.
jantzie: that was the first hallmark card I ever wrote
mum: ha ha
jantzie:
mum: You are a softie underneath…
jantzie: hehe
jantzie: probably

mum: Then you were completely pissed off when that “thing” actually became your biggest nightmare… competition.
mum: I love the photos of you looking at your new baby sister for the first time…
jantzie: I do remember that
mum: I believe I see murder in your eyes.
jantzie: maybe you saw generalized indifference
mum: Grandma Jantz got you a new little dress and braided your hair all cute and brought you to the hospital.
mum: No… not indifference…
mum: hmmm…
jantzie: hehe
mum: Anyway, shortly thereafter, you poured out all the baby toiletries on the bathroom floor.
jantzie: ha
mum: But you were so sweet too.
jantzie: I sound like a real ass

mum: I tell everyone about your not wanting to have babies…
mum: It always gets a laugh.
mum: I can remember exactly how the conversation went.
mum: ‘Angie: I don’t want to have babies.’
mum: ‘Mum: This is the 80s. Women don’t have to have babies unless they want to.’
mum: ‘Angie: What if Jesus makes me?’
mum: ‘Mum: You’re not the virgin Mary, so we won’t worry about it.’
jantzie: hehehe
mum: That is verbatim…
mum: I still laugh.
jantzie: how did that conversation come about?
mum: I was pregnant with your sister.
mum: You were disgusted probably by the entire thing.
jantzie: yes it is foul
mum: ha ha
mum: You had that one pegged even as a wee lassie.
jantzie: I want to go back to 1985, give the past-me a high five

jantzie: are you wearing a christmas sweater tomorow?
shmantz: no
shmantz: that doesn’t really seem like something I would do
jantzie: that’s why you should do it
shmantz: think so?
jantzie: sure
jantzie: I want one with two wreaths over my boobies
jantzie: that would be classy
shmantz: that wold be classy, you should make one
jantzie: maybe I will stop by DI on the way home
shmantz: I’m going to welfare square on my way home
jantzie: hehe
jantzie: steak one from a hobo
jantzie: I mean steal
jantzie: steak sounds good
jantzie: hobo steak sounds REALLY good
jantzie: what do you say you and I take a long lunch, run by welfare square, steal ourselves some christmas sweatering hobo steaks?
shmantz: what does nachos american style mean?
jantzie: that’s a slap in the face to someone’s heritage
shmantz: I’m glad we’re on the same page, as an american, I’m offended
jantzie: I might buy some
jantzie: just so I can throw them on the floor
jantzie: and plant an american flag on top
shmantz: that sounds about right
jantzie: or
jantzie: what do you say you and I take a long lunch, run by welfare square, steal ourselves some christmas sweatering hobo steaks?
shmantz: I heard you the first time
jantzie: well?
shmantz: sure, I’m in
jantzie: good

jantzie: are you ready
ben-jamin: YES
ben-jamin: for what?
jantzie: I SAID
jantzie: ARE YOU READY?!!
ben-jamin: TOTALLLY!!!
jantzie: give a warm welcome to the best thing you will see on the internet today
jantzie: the following video
jantzie:

(source: laughing squid)
ben-jamin: hehhehehehe
ben-jamin: I love this
ben-jamin: that road crossing was scary
jantzie: yah
ben-jamin: thank you.
ben-jamin: that was the best
jantzie: you’re welcome
jantzie: I always deliver
ben-jamin: yes. yes, you do.